Perspective
by Mickey february9
Summary: A collection of one-shots inspired by and centered on specific events from the JR anime and manga. Each story is narrated through the POV of a character. Personal change/growth, and the beauty & hardships of love are themes of focus. Mainly Egoist for now. (Older stories REVISED.) BL
1. The Void and The Starry Night Sky

**DISCLAIMER:** Junjo Romantica (anime/manga series) story and characters are owned by the creator Nakamura Shungiku and affiliates. This story borrows characters and situations from the Junjo Romantica series and is 100% fan-made and non profit. Also, suing a near broke college student will gain you nothing! So please don't do it!

This is the first installment to a collection of one-shots I have (and will) write based on specific events from both the Junjo Romantica anime and manga. My focus is, of course, the Egoist couple since I adore them so much. This particular one shot is inspired by one of the extra manga chapters. Nowaki and Hiroki take a trip on a train and while Nowaki is sleeping, Hiro mentions he used to sleep with a light on but prefers that everything is dark as it reminds him of Nowaki. It is also based on episode 3 of Junjo Romatica (the first Egoist episode). I hope fans like this one-shot.

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**Perspective**

By Mickey february9

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**The Void and the Starry Night Sky**

When did the darkness become so welcoming? I used to sleep with a tiny nightlight near the side of my futon as a child, and as an adult. Somehow, the light provided me with something not even the best of Japanese literature could give. Next to the light I felt safe and at peace—feelings I couldn't get from anything or anyone else, not even from my former love interest Usami Akihiko. I had a complex with the darkness, and it stemmed from the unrequited feelings I harbored for my childhood friend.

Sleeping with a light on started as a simple habit. Over the years, I became accustomed to the small quiet burst of energy that cut through the dark, and it felt unnatural to be without it. My relationship with the light was neutral. I liked having it on, but it didn't have a significant affect on me. When I found that Akihiko had fallen in love with his other friend, things changed. I lost my composure and started to break. It was scathing to realize, after the years Akihiko and I had spent together, after how close we had been, that one person crashed into our world and ruined everything.

Akihiko looked my way less and less. I wanted him to pay attention to me. I wanted desperately for him to notice my feelings. I wanted him to love me and no one else. Akihiko and I became distant during our college years. The closer he drifted towards that other person, the closer I drifted towards the light. Unrequited love gripped me at the neck. The darkness grew unbearable, it reminded me of everything I desired but couldn't have and exaggerated my loneliness. The darkness showed me that I had nothing. I was in a black void.

I dreaded that I had classes late at night because it meant traveling back home from the University in the dark. I made sure to avoid alleys and stayed where the city lights illuminated the streets. I vividly remember one stormy night, I was walking home from the subway station. The rain pounded aggressively over rooftops, producing the sound of falling marbles hitting the concrete. I didn't have an umbrella, but it didn't matter. The noise and feel of the cold rain temporarily soaked away my bothersome thoughts of Akihiko as I focused on reaching my apartment. To my dismay, the electricity in the complex was down due to the weather. That night I tried my damnedest to fall asleep, but the tenebrous void kept gnawing at me. Cruel film reels played of Akihiko walking away from me, going to a place I couldn't touch. A place I didn't belong. I could hear the cracking of my already brittle heart. The sound escalated, growing louder and louder. It was too painful; my passion for him was too painful. My heart drummed unusually hard, weighing my breath.

No matter how tightly I shut my eyes or wrapped myself under the sheets, I could not withstand the spirit-shattering images that encroached my mind and left me to squirm in the shadows. My situation was downright pitiful. The void offered nothing redeeming. In the dark I had no direction, I was lost there. I needed something, anything to hold onto. I needed to reach the light again. I flung from my bed and crashed to the floor. My books came rushing down like an avalanche with pages unraveling as individual texts struck me. I struggled to untangle myself from the bed sheets before I stood and fought my way through the apartment. I felt around, touching for the kitchen drawer furthest to the left and opened it. I grabbed the little box of matches from inside and lit one.

The sight of fire, though minimal, relieved my uneasiness and brought me back to regulated breathing. I searched the cabinet until I spotted the candle I'd received as a house warming gift from my mother a few years back. I brought the fire to the tip of the candle and let the flame transfer. I blew the small one out and went back to bed with the candle burning in my room. I was finally able to sleep, but nothing soothed my longing or my loneliness. I still wanted to pursue Akihiko.

Once I discovered Akihiko was suffering unrequited feelings for his friend I saw a window of opportunity. I blindfolded him, I told him he could pretend I was Takahiro. I wanted us to indulge in the lie, and maybe through that lie he would come to love me once our bodies touched. Nothing good came of it, and I was left with heavy remorse.

I sat on a shaded bench in the park lamenting over events from that night. I had left Akihiko to see the darkness, to envision something he wanted so badly but could never have. I had put Akihiko through the same thing I was going through. I had defiled his sincerity, all for my own pleasure. That's something you should never do to the person you love. I reasoned in that instant, I would never find happiness after what I'd done.

A plastic rocket struck the earth, landing right in front of me. The rapid movement had me jolting in my seat. I was immediately mindful of my surroundings. A young man emerged and knelt to retrieve the rocket. He was tall and gave off a benevolent aura; and, although he wore dark colors he had a special gleam. Tears slid from my eyes and I promptly wiped them away with my sleeve, then I felt a warm hand encircle my arm. I looked up and met a pair of stunning dark blue eyes.

_"Nice to meet you. My name is Kusama Nowaki."_ His gentle voice floated into my ears and lingered there, relaxing every fiber of my being. That's not to say I wasn't baffled by the situation. Everything happen so quickly, I wasn't allowed the chance to think properly. Suddenly, I was being pulled to the other side of the park by a guy I'd only known for less than twenty-seconds. Yet despite the uncomfortable spontaneity, I enjoyed the feel of his hand around my wrist.

_"It's okay."_ He assured as he stroked my hair. His hands were hot, and his touch was reminiscent of Akihiko. I compared the two though I knew it was unfair, but I came to the conclusion that Akihiko's touch was nowhere near the magnitude of this enchanting stranger. I couldn't fathom it then, but I was captivated by Nowaki from the start.

From that point on, Nowaki's presence was a common occurrence in my life. Nowaki, four years younger than myself, possessed a strong and straightforward personality that had me flustered. When he spoke it was with honesty and clarity, and when he didn't communicate with his voice his feelings were evident through his sensitive expressions. In face of his directness, I still couldn't fully understand him or his motives. Why was he so determined to have me as a tutor? Why did he insist on being in my life?

The more I saw of Nowaki, the more my fond feelings for him intensified into something of a fervent nature. The bulb of my light went dull, but I didn't bother to change it. I had dreams of Akihiko's profile fading out as Nowaki's image faded in. My love for Akihiko had evaporated before I'd come to terms with it. I spent most of my free time thinking of ways to cope with my newfound affections. I was reluctant. I didn't want to fall in love again, not if it meant suffering through unfulfilled desires once more. I was finished with one-sided emotions.

My determination to avoid the trap of unrequited love ended up blinding me so badly that I couldn't recognize Nowaki's advances. During naps I felt his lips pressed against mine, but I brushed those incidents off as intense daydreams. I thought I had imagined his hot hands combing my hair and caressing my face. I thought, that because I wanted it so severely, I had imagined Nowaki kissing me as his pleasant voice whispered "Hiro-san" between breaths. I fooled myself into thinking it was all fabricated, that I was nothing more to Nowaki than a tutor, a senpai, and a possible close friend.

_"The reason I asked you to be my tutor is because I fell in love with you at first sight."_

_"I fell in love with your tear stained face, but I want to see you smile."_

_"Can I be Usami-san's replacement?"_

He said exactly what I wanted to hear, and I couldn't believe him. There was no way he could have known about my feelings! I perceived his little confession as his means of mocking me. In an act of impulse, I pushed him away and slammed the door of my apartment. I didn't even consider his feelings. I was so focused on my own thoughts and concerns that I failed to account for the one good thing in my life, Nowaki. He had such a benign personality, there was no reason to think he'd try to trick me or make fun of me. I immediately regretted my actions as I leaned against the door. I listened for Nowaki's voice but heard footsteps instead. When I opened the door, he was gone. I had forced him away, but he still dominated my thoughts and my dreams.

I sat in the café across from the flower shop where Nowaki worked and admired him from the window, all while mentally scrutinizing myself both for what I'd done to him and for furtively observing him like a stalker. My feelings for Nowaki were foolishly intense and impossible to dismiss, but I was too stubborn to call it love. I couldn't erase past events. I'd already told him to never return. There was no point in eyeing someone I couldn't have anymore. It was in my best interest to turn away. I thought I'd lost him for good but he returned later that day bursting through my door, ever the glowing force.

_"If all you had before was giving your love, then from now on please be loved by me."_

With those words, so precious, Nowaki ripped away every ounce of resistance I'd put forth. We stood in my small room with the hue of dusk showing upon us. His warm chest pressed against my back, his arms encompassed my frame, his cheek grazed mine, and his kind voice sweetly comforted me. In that moment, I knew that everything I wanted and needed was within him. Our lips gravitated towards each other, but he hesitated. I pressed my lips to his cheek as permission to continue.

Nowaki handled me so lovingly, he touched me so tenderly, as if to say he accepted me and everything I harbored. His hot hands melted away all the disappointment and pain that I'd associated with love and replaced it with pureness and euphoria. As we connected, I discovered the happiness for which I'd longed. That night I forgot to turn on my light.

I arose from sleep and my eyes were greeted by the darkness. I noticed tiny specks sparkling in the distance, and for the first time I felt at ease there. I was wrapped in Nowaki's arms and could feel the rhythm of his breathing as his chest rose against me. I let the darkness engulf my sight as I laid my hands beneath Nowaki's black hair. I brought myself closer and nestled my nose in his locks. Black, the color that pervaded my room, the color that had once pulled at my gut and yanked viciously at my heartstrings, had become precious to me.

The darkness I saw was nothing like before. By the second, more specks revealed themselves; the scene felt surreal. The void was traded for a starry night sky. Everything I was missing was bare in front of me. The darkness is welcoming because it reminds me of Nowaki—of his kindness, of his protection, of his love, of his body. The cluster of stars Nowaki unveiled for me provide a path, one that I can only travel with him. I'm not lost anymore because I have Nowaki beside me. I don't need a candle or a nightlight nearby, because Nowaki shines for me alone. He is my light.

_End_

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All of the dialogue in this story was taken directly from the English subtitles of RightStuf's North American DVD release of Junjo Romantica.


	2. To Cry, To Smile

This story is inspired by episodes 5 and 6 of the anime.

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**To Cry, To Smile**

The cold wind chilled my body and whipped harshly against my face, causing an irritating ache. I hugged my jacket tighter as I trudged through the thick snow that overlaid the empty streets and sidewalks. I wandered within an isolated and blistering city with nothing to hold onto, left to ponder where I belonged and where I needed to go. My eyes anxiously searched amongst the broken traffic lights, covered signs, and frosted buildings for some form of guidance, anything that could serve as a starting point.

An enormous weight burdened my chest and my legs, bringing me closer to the bitter laden earth. A warm moisture escaped my eyes and ran down my face. Ready to collapse, I noticed something ahead. It was a young boy with brown hair, clutching to the coat he wore. His small hands were just like mine. His eyes were concealed by the mist, but I could see tears rolling down his cheeks. I walked towards him as fast as conditions would let me, and reached for him.

Even though I couldn't identify him, I wanted to help him. I wanted to stop those tears. In spite of my effort, my knees went through the snow. My eyes grew tired and heavy and my vision started to blur. I blinked repeatedly, hoping my sight would clear but exhaustion sank me. My entire body went frigid, and then everything phased out. Somewhere along, my consciousness slipped in. The freezing feeling dissolved, and a warmness transpired.

It had been years since I'd seen that place. It was attached to feelings that had already been buried in my life. The feeling of loneliness, and being lost in the world with no concrete goal to work towards. After I left the orphanage, straight out of middle school, I had to make my own way, but I couldn't firmly decide what I wanted or where I needed to be. All I could do was work my hardest to survive.

The day I met Hiro-san, the nightmare vanished. In Hiro-san's brown eyes I discovered an ambitious spirit eager to succeed, so full of passion, energy, and focus. One look into his eyes empowered me. Having him in my life changed my outlook on the future and the person I wanted to become. All of my actions and aspirations orbit around him. He is the most important person in my life, the only person. I've had the blessing of being his partner for the past six years, and we're finally living together. So, why did that troublesome dream come back? I wasn't lonely, I wasn't lost anymore, that insecure child within me was long gone, or at least I had thought.

I sat and considered the meaning of my dream, but the more I thought about it, the more any type of answer seemed intangible. Then one night, when I arrived home late from my internship at the hospital, it came through sensory. The sound of rain pummeling windows faded into my ear. The neutral air became thick and stuffy. I recalled the interior of an unlit University Library and the echoing of Hiro-san's weeping. I recalled the feel of his tears falling from his eyes and landing on my face, so cold and so raw. That night Hiro-san's pain poured like the rain thumping from the sky. The first time I ever saw Hiro-san, he had tears in his eyes, but the tears I witnessed in that dark library were far worse, and I was the cause. A rush of guilt lashed through me.

Impressions of Hiro-san's tearful face disturbed me for days and within that time doubts filled my conscience. Before our romantic relationship began, I promised Hiro-san that I'd never hurt him, that I'd never be the cause of his tears. To love him unconditionally and to provide him with happiness became my goal. I wanted to be a person who could support him, but if I couldn't even manage to keep a simple promise, from the start, was there really any hope for me? I thought I had made progress, but I was still as insecure as I'd been from a young age. Despite how much I thought I'd grown, the lost child within me never went away.

The morning of a new day arrived, but everything was gray. Every curtain remained closed and untouched in the apartment. I sat at the dining table, resting my eyes with my hands to my face. I should have been happy because it was a rare day that both Hiro-san and I were free from work, but instead I was caught in my worries. This would be the first time, in a while, that we would have the chance to talk properly about things, but all I could feel was apprehension. All I could think about was how wrongly I'd treated Hiro-san.

"Nowaki."

I twitched as that familiar voice coasted through the air. My head shot up and my hands fell. Hiro-san walked towards the table, observing me with a look of concern. My natural response was "Good Morning," but I ended up stuttering. His arms crossed, he knew something was wrong.

"Are you feeling well?" He asked, reaching towards my forehead. I captured his hand and placed my lips upon his skin, hoping to distract him from worrying about me. He pulled his hand away and his cheeks turned pink. Even though I was down, I couldn't help but smile at his reaction, but it didn't take long for the dense feeling to settle back in.

"I was worried, but now I can tell you're just fine." He replied, looking away as he walked over to the nearest window and pushed the curtains aside, casting daylight into the room. I found little ease in the change of atmosphere as my thoughts continued to trap me. I felt horrible that Hiro-san didn't understand my decision to study abroad. I wasn't clear with him. If only I'd chosen a more convenient time to tell him. I left and he had no idea where I went, or for how long I'd be gone. I wrote countless letters addressed to him while I was in New York, but I didn't mail any of them because I missed Hiro-san so much, and I knew if I contacted him I would want to rush back home. If I had kept in touch with him, at least once, to let him know where I was and that I was all right, then Hiro-san wouldn't have been hurting so much. My decision to not send those letters was really selfish.

Not knowing the whereabouts of the person you love has to be one of the worst feelings anyone could ever experience. He was left in the cold, in the middle of a jarring snowstorm, to be cracked and victimized by the violent winds. This was undoubtedly the reason for his tears. I broke his heart.

I hung my head, wanting to hide my dejection. I felt Hiro-san's light steps, from across the way, in the floor. A hard thud traveled through the table. The noise, like an alarm, alerted me. Hiro-san's hand was planted on the table. His lips parted, but no words followed. We stared at each other for a moment. I tried to say something but my voice was vacant. He averted his gaze and looked towards the window. I knew I had to snap out of my dispirited mood before things got even worse. I had so much to make up for.

"Nowaki, you aren't being your normal self." He spoke in a calm but subdued voice. "You've been acting strange these past couple of days. Something's wrong and you need to tell me what it is, or else we're going to have problems."

I could tell by his hands that gripped the edge of the table, that he was suppressing his temper. I wanted to answer him, but my words were caged. Even if Hiro-san didn't realize the problem, he would if I told him. What if this caused him to have second thoughts about our relationship? What if he stopped loving me?

His gaze burned through me. He was greatly worried for me and it was making him uneasy. I wasn't going to hurt him further by keeping my silence. Tackling the tightness in my throat, I forced myself to speak. With only a few inaudible phrases, the lump in my throat grew persistent but I kept fighting. Tears streamed slowly down my face as I explained my broken promise and the hurt I'd caused him. I expressed my regrets for not being more considerate and contacting him during my stay in New York. I told him how sorry I was for causing his tears. I witnessed Hiro-san's shocked reaction through my blurred vision. Every word I released pushed me deeper into the process of loosing him.

Before I could finish, my mouth was seized. Hiro-san's lips pressed roughly against mine, his hands clutching my shoulders. His heat surrounded me and his fingers steadily pulled me out of my frozen state as he wiped my tears away. I'd done awful things to him, and yet, after our lips parted he clasped my hand.

"It's my fault! When you told me that you wanted to study abroad, I should have paid more attention to you. For something so important, I should have been listening to you intently instead of always concentrating on myself!" Hiro-san's words unloaded loudly. "You're concerned about causing my tears, but you should know that I hurt myself through my own ignorance. I can't control how you feel, but if you're going to blame yourself for part of the situation, please place most of the blame on me! Don't decide on your own and let all the guilt build up inside. If you're troubled about something, let me know. It won't be easy because we're always busy, but I-I don't want to see you cry again because of me!"

I couldn't deny those strong words of his. I saw, from the clear frustration across his face that he was trying so hard in combating his discomfort to say those things to me. This whole time, Hiro-san worried over the faults he saw in himself, carrying a bag of guilt just like I had. Even though our personalities were different, we had something in common. We both tried to handle things on our own.

Even though he told me not to blame myself, I still felt that I'd done wrong. I need to change. I need to keep growing. I'll do whatever it takes, no matter how difficult or uncomfortable, to make things better for us. I enlaced our fingers, knowing we'd be able to get through this emotional mess together. The blizzard was finally bearable.

"When you made that promise six years ago, you also said that you wanted to see me smile. You may have forgotten that part, but I haven't..." Hiro-san stated, glancing away and then back to me every now and then. The thin rays of light softly illuminated his face, giving an almost golden color to his features. He squeezed my hand tighter as he took a deep breath before continuing.

"The letters from New York...the ones you wrote for me and tried to hide. I read all of them, and each one made me happy. Um, well...that's just one example. What I want to say is, I know we have problems. We don't always say or do what we need to and we sometimes end up hurting each other, but I want you to remember that ever since we met, you are the only person who can truly make me smile..."

I left my seat and embraced him closer than I ever had, immersing in his soothing temperature and the hard pulse of our beating hearts against our chests. With his words, he pacified my uneasiness and harnessed my anxious emotions. He made every negative feeling inside float away. I touched his face, relishing the living sight before me. A charming florid complexion spread across his cheeks, his parted lips invited me closer. The tips of our noses touched, the edges of our lips met briefly. Hiro-san closed his eyes as his face gained more color. His shy reaction tempted me. Suddenly, I felt the urge to tease him softly.

"Cuddle with me in the bath?" I whispered.

Hiro-san's eyes opened, he gave me a questioning and slightly annoyed look.

"If you want to take a bath then do it yourself. You don't need me there with you. What are you, a baby?!"

"Yes Hiro-san, I'm a big baby. That's why you need to hold onto me, so I won't drown in the water."

I knew his shyness would conquer but I was relieved that we had returned to our normal selves, and so thankful that we could speak with each other naturally again. If Hiro-san had frowned and pushed me away, I still would have been happy. So, I was overjoyed when he hugged me tighter and caressed my back.

"Idiot." I felt him mumbled into my chest. I wouldn't have had it any other way.

The day had barely started but Hiro-san held me so securely in his comfort that I wanted to sleep. I arched over, resting my head on his shoulder. The winds settled into a calm breeze as the snow quickly evaporated. Everything cleared, the signs were uncovered, and the streets and sidewalks were revealed. I moved cautiously, walking over the wet concrete. Somewhere along my aimless journey, I met an older boy with brown hair. He extended his arm, offering me an open hand. The sunlight behind him was overwhelming. I stared at him as best as I could despite the strong rays. Shortly, I was able to see his face, a set of big brown eyes and an inspiring smile.

I placed my small hand in his and he led me further along. I didn't know who this person was or where we were headed, but with every step I was able to move with a little more confidence. We continued, walking hand in hand through the city. The noise of people and cars passing through roads accumulated in the distance and was soon all around us. As I saw more of the city, I noticed familiar buildings—an orphanage, a hospital, and a tall apartment complex.

I glanced at the person beside me and to my surprise he was an adult, much taller but with the same brown hair. I looked at our joined hands and saw that I was an adult too. We had both grown. He turned slightly and looked at me, those brown gems of his left my heart overflowing with delight. I know him. He's the person who makes me happy, and the person I want to make the happiest.

My palms sheltered the sides of his face, I leaned in and touched my forehead to his. Then, unexpectedly, he moved up and kissed my cheek. Amazingly enough, this wasn't a dream. He had taken the cold lost child within me and wrapped him in a warm blanket. Because of Hiro-san, this child can smile with courage, knowing that he has a place to belong, and a future to work towards and look forward to.

I love you, Hiro-san.

_End_


	3. Transition

This story is long overdue. I wrote it out nearly a year ago, but wasn't happy enough with it to share. After numerous rewrites I ended up with the text you see below. Hopefully you guys like it. It's the best I can do for now. This story is, in several ways, an extension of _To Cry, To Smile _and is based on the ever powerful Library Scene. We all know it's an important scene in the Egoist storyline and I'm sure it's been referenced to death in other fanfics, but I had to do it again!

Hiroki's POV

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**Transition**

I nearly stumbled as I dashed urgently into the room after hearing a heavy crash, followed by a series of thuds to the flood. I half-expected a disaster but found my books scattered across the floor instead. Nowaki had risen beneath the disarray with texts sliding off his shoulders and down his back. He rubbed his head and graced me with a smile. His bright demeanor showed fiercely like the late morning light through the clear windows. I paused and took a breath, relieved that nothing serious had happened. The aftermath of Nowaki's unusual clumsiness was an amusing sight. I nearly chuckled but resisted the disruptive urge. The great amount of unpacked boxes around us were reason enough to draw back. Any playful acknowledgement would encourage distraction, and I wanted to get everything organized before work-life consumed us again.

Nowaki examined the covers of the novels he'd picked up as he stood to his feet. "Hiro-san, did you have these arranged in any particular order?"

"Hmm? No." I answered as I walked towards the mess and knelt to help him.

"Then, why were they stacked in the middle of the room?" He asked curiously, not a hint of judgement in his voice.

I recalled piling the books earlier to pass time, looking for something to read while we waited for the movers to deliver the rest of our furniture. I twitched, realizing the accident was partly my fault. Any soft entertainment I'd gotten out of Nowaki's small mishap evaporated as quickly as it had formed. Brushing aside the small and irritating thought, I began sorting the books onto the wide shelves, focused on clearing the obstacle before us. We said little to each other apart from a few comments about the novels we came across. The faint sound of chimes from the balcony of another household added a peaceful ambience to our activity, but when the soft winds died down we were left with the thin waves of our mundane task.

I hadn't so much as glanced at Nowaki after our brief exchange, but I was becoming more concentrated on his presence, the sound of the fabric of his clothing grazing against itself and the transfer of pressure through the floor at the lightest of his movement. His heat traveled nearer, signaling that he'd taken notice of my peculiar behavior. My fingertips remained on the spine of the text I had just slipped into place on the shelf when Nowaki's hand reached gingerly over mine and guided my digits to his lips.

I turned slightly, eager to see his expression. That sapphire spark and that sweet smirk were all the beckoning needed to sway me. Nowaki wrapped me in and eased his face to mine. Our bangs mingled as our lips tucked into unity. I clutched the texts I had curled in my arm. I meant to lay them on the shelf but they left my grasp unbalanced and plummeted to the floor. I heard the pages unravel but I had no inclination to save them. Nowaki's hands slipped beneath my shirt after loosening the buttons, sending a shiver through me as his palms traveled my torso. His fingers sauntered towards my waist, tracing shapeless figures over my skin before unfastening my pants and slickly submerging his hand down my front. I arched back, trying to subdue my moans, as he teased the sensitive zones of my chest while his hot mouth fell over my jawline. His tongue marked me tenderly across the neck and settled on my collarbone, thrilling me with every trail of contact.

"Sorry, I can't hold back." Nowaki cooed in his alluring tone, swiftly bringing me to reminiscence. We descended to the floor like heavy leaves cutting through the air. He raised his sweatshirt over his head and set the clothing folded on the floor before cushioning my back over it. The coldness of the floor was startling and unpleasant, but I didn't want to move. Nowaki's firm chest hovered closely to me. He lowered in with his fingers leisurely strolling my hair. His tongue retraced every spot his hands had previously visited—down my neck, down my chest, over my abdomen.

I rested my head to the side, dazed by Nowaki's motions. I gazed at the various books that were still scattered on the floor, some were closed and some were opened with their pages faced down. The familiar vision provoked sensations within me that had been previously rested. Not long ago, such pleasure had a bitterness wrapped around it, and I could feel the effects of a looming shadow again. The scene we were in was exactly like before.

The chimes sounded faintly for a second session, carried by a gentle and cold breeze that swept delicately past us. I recalled the low pressure night of almost a year ago, when something much greater than nature's fluid attack had us chilled and fragile. Little by little, I remembered the frustration and the words we'd exchanged—how sharp and raw they were. In our current state I had every reason to pull out of these intrusive memories, but with my heart thumping and my spirit fluttering in reaction to our intimacy, I couldn't win. The floor of the University library which had once been dark and eerie to us was all that filled my mind.

The brokenness and the hopefulness collided.

The past poured into the present...

Nowaki was kneeling across from me under the dimness, eyes to the floor and hands tightened around his knees. We were inches apart but our hearts were far from each other, yearning but struggling to meet in the middle. Having Nowaki back home, after his year of study in America, had brought me to a stark realization which I had pondered while he was away, that we had a problem beyond repair. Among our personal needs and goals, we were lacking in a very crucial and fundamental part of any well-functioning relationship—communication. We had been together for the longterm; yet somehow, we'd never succeeded with the basics. Even before Nowaki went abroad, our words were sparse.

We could hardly deal with our issues when we were both students with more relaxed schedules. With my new career as a professor and Nowaki's progress in his medical degree, our lives were being pulled in opposite directions. We would hardly have enough time together. We wouldn't be able to work on our problems sufficiently enough. If we stayed together, we could only restrict each other. Our lives would be better if I distanced myself and if, subsequently, he did the same. I tried to convince myself of that, and for a short period I may have succeeded; but, my resolve was easily shaken by every nuance of Nowaki's presence in the silence of that aisle.

My angst was cloudy and thick yet all I wanted, with Nowaki before me, was to hear the softness in his nurturing voice again, the low and the high tones. After a year of absence I wanted him back. I wanted to know everything I had missed. I watched his mouth and ached for the smallest syllable. The stubbornness I had built up was abated. My ears were finally ready to listen, and my mind was fully attentive. I took in every word Nowaki carried to me. He lifted his head and those cerulean moons opened, showing gorgeously against the dimness, but the vibrancy and the calmness I cared for so much had been shaken. I'll never forget the worry that drenched him.

Nowaki said he wanted to become a better man—someone who could be my equal, someone I could be proud of. From the way Nowaki curled his fists, he may have thought himself weak for feeling the way he did and even weaker for admitting it, but I could only see his courage. To display his vulnerability and relinquish control at the risk of being hurt was an incredible thing. I could hardly imagine myself doing it. Every note of Nowaki's truth rushed loudly like a fierce wave submerging me.

There were countless opportunities before when I could have given Nowaki words of endearment, even a little reassurance of my feelings, but I hadn't thought to say them. I shouldn't have been so careless. I should have held his hand more often. I should have kept him closer to me. Had I done those things, then maybe, I wouldn't have missed such an important milestone in his life. Nowaki had left the country to pursue his dreams. If I had known, I could have helped Nowaki feel a little stronger about himself instead of leaving him to deal with his own weaknesses alone.

Like me, Nowaki had chosen to keep his insecurities hidden, never wanting to falter in the eyes of the person he cared for the most. I had an image I wanted to preserve too, even in front of Nowaki. Though I prided myself in being a calm, competent, and rational person, I could be reckless, unreasonable, and weak at the core of it all. And while Nowaki loved me, how much of me could he accept? The roaring part of me wanted to quiver to him and tell him how much I loved him. The last book I'd thrown at him out of frustration landed on its spine faced up, pages opened revealing words to the air. _"I love you."_ Those three simple words came through in frantic repetition.

Every inkling of my pain and frustration rushed forth, plopping like pebbles into a river. I felt sorry because the man Nowaki had spoken so highly of was crumbling before him. I displayed the most ill-composed side of myself, but Nowaki showed no prejudice and hauled my heavy heart closer. The touch of Nowaki's digits at the side of my face and the warmth of his voice on the tip of my nose reminded me of what we had, a beautiful reciprocal love.

The interval closed with the touch of our lips and the pressing of our chests as the coldness elevated from us. Nowaki's kiss was as fervent as it had been when his love first bloomed and possessed me. I reached around him, feeling his back and hugging him more securely. Nowaki's fingers caressed my body, and I let mine revel along his. We'd imprinted our pain and our passion onto each other. I saw the glistening in Nowaki's eyes. I could feel all of his worries and struggles, and I let him know mine. Our insecurities and our tears played as healing forces, two wounded hearts mending and repairing each other.

There was so much to remember, and so much to be amazed over.

It was too important to forget...

Nowaki laid beneath me, his dark bangs falling just between his eyes and past the arches of his ears. My breath passed over his collarbone before I rested my head upon his chest. The disorderly scene of the scattered books came into view again. I wondered if our surroundings had triggered Nowaki's memories as well, or if I'd been the only one musing over it. Nowaki chuckled against my weight and I rose slightly to peak at the unrivaled gleam of his smile.

"Why are you so happy all of a sudden?" I asked mostly out of impulse.

"Hiro-san..." The curve of his lips grew wider. "This is exactly like the time you asked me to live with you."

"Huh?" I couldn't remember the moment he was referring to, much less if it had been anything like our current situation. All I could recall were the two of us discussing our plans and arrangements to make Nowaki's move happen.

"I'll never forget it." His palm settled on the side of my face, slowly pulling my view back towards him. "You whispered to me saying, 'There's room for two at my place.' We were lying on the floor of the library. I was looking up at you, happy that I could touch you and hold you again."

My eyes must have widened several sizes as the memory flowed back in. Nowaki's embarrassing account of the event brought me to realize, clearly, the changes our dynamic had undergone since then. The new place had more space and made for a more comfortable living, a slight upgrade from where we'd previously been, and Nowaki had paid for it on his own. This was his place. Not too long ago, Nowaki was moving into my home. He'd gone from being a broke college student to someone who was able to make his own way.

I looked to the side knowing a fierce color was gaining on my cheeks. "And now, I'm moving in with you..."

"No." He replied running his fingers along my jawline and to my chin. "We're moving in together."

His statement shot an array of fluttering feelings inside me. Nowaki was right in his own way. This was the first place we'd both moved into together. Neither of us would have to adapt to the other person's environment. We were creating one together, bringing the old and welcoming the new. His thumb traced the upward curve of my lips. I couldn't restrain it. It was the smile I would only want Nowaki to see. He began to sit up and I raised my weight from him before he brought me into another brimming kiss. His tongue slid against my teeth and went in to engage me further, gently leaning forward with a subtle tilt of the head.

"I love you." Nowaki uttered pulling back to kiss my cheek. I didn't think his smile could grow any wider, but it did. His lips parted, moving slightly on the verge of a sentence. Then, unexpectedly, his expression went from a joyful smile to an almost mischievous smirk. I could tell from his hooded gaze that something cringeworthy was running through his mind.

"Hiro-san…" He started but paused cautiously. What he wanted to say was obvious. Knowing Nowaki, the timing was perfect for him to say it but he knew I'd get irritated and opted to withhold his comment. Nowaki gave a deep breath and ran his fingers through my hair, occasionally strumming my bangs.

I sighed and averted my gaze to one of the opened novels laying on the floor. "You can say that I'm cute, I don't mind..." I hadn't heard Nowaki say it in a long while, and I was oddly craving for it.

"Actually, I wanted to say you're _sexy_."

"Brat!" I exclaimed, slapping his arm. "Now you're messing with me!"

"I really mean it. Of course, you're adorably cute as always."

"Adorably." By adding a single adjective Nowaki rendered me even more anxious than I had already been a minute ago. "You're still an idiot." I said resting my forehead on his shoulder.

"I know." He responded and brought his arms around me.

I linked my hands at the back of his waist and continued in a quieter tone. "But, I'm glad you're mine."

"Hiro-san."

As Nowaki held me tighter, my lips pressed lightly against his hot skin and I let them linger there. The scent and taste of him rang in my senses. There was no misunderstanding, no confusion, and no turmoil. From the window across the way, strips of glittering rays sent their calm beauty through the pane onto us. I scanned the area and was reacquainted with the sight of numerous cardboard boxes stacked upon each other. There was much to get done. Though our moment of intimacy and reflection had to end for now, we had many reasons to move forward.

"That's enough." I lifted my head rather lazily and extend an arm between us, forcing myself to snap out of the daze. "We still have a lot of work to do."

Nowaki nodded, pulling his pants over his waist and replying optimistically. "We'll get through it, right?"

Buttoning my shirt, I replied with confidence. "Yes, we will. I know we will." We are imperfect and growing, and I couldn't be more proud of us.

_End_

* * *

I'm planning an Egoist chapter story, a Romantica one-shot (which will focus on Takahiro!), and a short story for Tiger & Bunny (If you know this series then, Hooray!). If all goes well, everything will be finished and posted before the end of this year! XD


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